Review.

Well, 2011 is nearly over, and the long-awaited yearly review is due.

2011 2011... wow. Well I can safely say that I didn't waste my time, at least not more than I usually did for the past years. Especially these past two months, the two months holidays that most students end up wasting playing DOTA every day or checking their notifications every 5 minutes on Facebook or being glued to the idiot box.

For one, I'm glad I got a one month job. It was well worth it. Not so much the lack of sleep and pained feet, but it's better than staying at home. I refined my gift-wrapping skills, I learned not to take it personally when I get scolded by a customer, and I learned that just because they're older than you doesn't mean they're more mature.

One of the biggest parts of 2011 this year for me was Subang Rally. It's one thing to go for my first three years as a volunteer or a regular, but a totally different paradigm shift when I become part of the small committee that organizes the whole event.

And it was awesome.

It took high levels of commitment, restless hours and plenty of physical, mental and most of all spiritual will power. But it was all worth it. I love each and every one of my committee members, the thirteen of them. They're all different, unique and gifted in their own ways. I've never felt this degree of closeness to any of my regular CF Committee members. Perhaps it's because there are a few things different about the Rally committee.

The first would be that it's a small number of fourteen people only, compared to the CF Committee's regular of above 20 members. It's easier to form bonds between the small group of people.

Second would be although we met only once a week, it's still much more than regular CF meetings. Every meeting was fulfilling and productive.

The third is that we made efforts to spend time together even through that time and after it. One time after one of our activities we would go to Pyramid to walk around there, or like when MC came with me to Empire to do Registration work.

Maybe the fourth would be all of us are 16 years old, except one 17 and one 15 and even those two are not left out in any way. We bonded much easier.

Before joining the Rally committee I was still a very secluded person. I preferred to do things alone and to be left to my own devices. But after meeting them, I can verily say I CHANGEd. I became more sporty, less serious and stick-in-the-mud. I learned to enjoy myself just being with my friends, without having to have a certain task or goal to complete. I met people who I never really considered I would meet - the type who love unconditionally, care selflessly and look out for each other, especially our Chairman and Vice chairman, two of the best people God could have chosen to lead us. They didn't just do their jobs as their post required, they did so much more. They earned respect from us not because of their position or post. They earned it because they cared.

Even now we're planning our next meeting, and I can't wait to see the next batch of teenagers God is going to appoint to lead us into Subang Rally 2012. I have a feeling this is gonna be great. Subang Rally and the whole experience - is the one thing this year I will never regret.

Then came the phase after Rally... which makes it look like this year was an ocean wave. Rally was the part where the wave went up. This other half was when it fell down. Time took it's toll, and while it's true that I've managed to put it aside and the larger portion of the pain has gone, that doesn't mean that the scar isn't still there. It's permanent changes like this make you realize how unfair life can be at times. Nevertheless, I would be naive to think life is fair. It never is. We either make or break it with what life gives us.

It's true that until now, my mind is still not at complete rest. Who knows when it will be. And I was told this verse from a friend...

Isaiah 51:11
The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

It gives me a sliver of hope that maybe... just maybe God hasn't given up on me yet. Even though I have so many times recently. Will I return, and finally put an end to this shadow that dogs my steps? Will I rise above and break the surface of the water, breathing fresh air again? Who knows... *melodramatic air*

Another big change for me this year was also of course, blooming into a more self-conscious girl, where I've started caring more about my appearance. I'm not vain you know. Just self-conscious and insecure. I want to look good so I can feel good, and it's done wonders for my self-esteem. Which explains my sudden growth spurt into interests in shopping, clothes and makeup. Hey, I'm not a girl, not yet a woman ;)

In terms of my studies, I'm honestly proud of myself for this year. I really studied-studied this year and put in much more effort than I ever did last year to the point that now I'm considered a 'threat' to the circle of smarties in my form, which is unexpectedly... amusing xP I figure I'm going to need twice that effort for Form 5 now. Many people predict that PMR results are nothing compared to how we really fare once we take on our Form 4 syllabus, and that's when we see who survives, who doesn't. It's the stark reality that you really will fail if you don't study. There is a large discrepancy between Form 3 and 4. I guess those stories of 'It's a fight to the death' have scared me enough into studying my butt off this year, especially for Sejarah. Now people seem to have this weird perception I actually like Sejarah.

Pfft, watch me burn the textbook after I'm done with it.

I'm optimistic on Year 2012. I can just feel it in my bones that it's gonna be a great year. My last year in Subang Utama, my form 5 batch made up of the most wonderful friends I could ask for. The activities, the events, the studying (teehee!) and most of all, the memories. Haha I love being top dog in the high school food chain. At lasttt~

Let's make 2012 a bang. Screw the end of the world ;)