Summer Kiss

Three Myths.

2012-01-25T13:16:00.011+08:00

There are three myths in this world that I don't believe in:

1) There is one soul mate who is perfect for us out there in the world.

2) Love at First Sight.

3) Love is all you need for marriage.

I'm partially not very sure why I'm writing about this, coming from a 17 year old girl who has absolutely nought experience in the Relationships Field, let alone the Marriage Field. All I really know is unrealistic fantasies and sugar-sweet dreams.

But after reading a considerable number of romance books between last year till now, I have to draw a line at those three myths up there.

First, one soul mate. Seriously? Out of the gezillions of people out there running around the globe, there's only one for you? And it just coincidentally happens to be that handsome, sexy, strapping young man, who just happens to be every other woman's soul mate?
Neh, all that soul-mate-perfect-person-for-me doesn't work for me. I believe in finding someone who is compatible for you, not perfect, but compatible, and tying up all those other loose ends along the way.

Second, Love at First Sight. Once again, that woman you fell in love at first sight, just happens to be gorgeous, blond, with some rather noticeable assets? I can't fathom the possibility of falling in love with someone within a few weeks of courting, let alone a few days. It's something I stand stoically by that just can't happen. That's why I tend to roll my eyes whenever I fall upon one of those romance stories of falling in love within a month tops.

I mean, you don't even know that person. What their interests are, their likes and dislikes, what their childhood was like and etc.
Even in cases of arranged marriages, there are accounts of the married couple not falling in love immediately, but gradually over years when they get to know each other better.

Third, I would be hard put to elaborate so much on this point, that being that love is all you need for a successful marriage, because duh~ I've never been married before and I don't even know the first thing about what a sacrifice marriage is, only heard the stories. But I suppose as much I can surmise from it, is that love really isn't enough. Soon enough, all that honeymoon lovey-dovey heated nights are gonna fade away, and life takes it's long postponed place again.

There's so much adapting to each other's lifestyle to be done, so much compromise to be taken. It's living with another person who isn't your family, and that up until now you always wanted to appear at your best for them, but once you live together, you know that ain't gonna happen. There are bound to be mornings with bad breath, messy bed hair, farting at inopportune moments etc. Were you rooted in reality when you fell in love, or did you see it through rose-tinted glasses?

As a conclusion, one day I really do want to fall in love, and I do admit all these romance books have addled my brain a bit of expecting too much. But at least I am quite aware of myself not to go to the extremes, right? Right?

Nevertheless, I'll hold by these three rules, and play safe by them :]

Momentous.

2012-01-20T21:08:00.012+08:00

Hey yo! It's been a while since I've posted. I've been pretty busy with worldly things, which I feel are not interesting or significant enough to me to write about.

In fact, I suppose the only reason I'm writing now is because 1) I had an extra loonng nap just now and am relishing in my free time before I start studying for the rest of the holidays, 2) I'm typing to assure myself that I'm not gonna let my blog go stagnant just because I have things like pfft, SPM or, or trial-exams-that-may-or-may-not-define-my-future.

However, I got an exciting call just now (Actually my sister took it for me because I was sleeping like a pig during my extra loong nap. Oink) I'm collecting my first salary of my life tomorrow, haha! Seems like something not really spectacular, but there comes a time in every woman's life (not THAT time), when she steps out into the world and relishes the feel of freedom, independence, but also experiencing the toils of hard work and the rich harvests. Besides, I've been pretty broke lately. Lol.

I'll be joining the debate team for this year, which I strangely consented to on very amiable terms, considering how I practically boycotted it last year. Reason? I find debate to be a far too black and white matter. I've never been at ease with the idea of supporting a ridiculous debate topic just because I'm under that category of it, and having to give precariously balanced points about it.

However, I suppose on the plus side, I do end up seeing this from different perspectives. I'm practicing this new thing this year, which is not to see something as it is, but to understand why it is. For example:

"Oh my gosh like look at that beggar there going from person to person and harassing them for money!"

That would be a see-something-as-it-is situation. The try to understand part is to ponder on why that beggar does what he does. What was it like for him growing up? How did he end up like this? Why does he do what he does?

Anyways, lately there have been a lot of sad news lately. Somehow every day this week, literally, I have been hearing about deaths of parents and siblings, children with leukemia, people with cancer, and the list goes on. I can't help but ask the cliched question of "What is this world coming to?"

I mean seriously, sometimes one must stop and wonder really, how long do each and every one of us have left on earth? Nowadays I find myself asking "Will I ever live to be married? To give birth and have my own children?"

Besides, I often wonder if it is even right to bring a child into this world anymore. A world that's polluted and so hot everyday you can't go out to play in the streets anymore. A world where access and exposure to pornography is becoming increasingly easier. Kids younger and younger are getting pregnant nowadays. A world where technology reigns rampant and childhood games are now limited to the i-somethings. A world where they can't grow up with the wholesome children's shows I used to watch like Blues Clues, Totally Spies, Kim Possible, Powerpuff Girls, Dexter's Laboratory, Spongebob (the old episodes) and etc etc?? (This part of it nearly made me tear up)

I mean seriously, I can't accept that children nowadays don't get to watch the shows I did, and I feel twice as grateful to have grown up between the end of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st. I got exposed to great oldies music, and also good pop music (anyone remember S Club 7? Haha!) My childhood compromised of watching the telly every day because all my favourite shows were on. Now I watch telly on YouTube, coz that's the only place you can watch these old shows anymore. Personal salute and thanks to all those YouTubers who posted them up. Also the best cartoon movies were the 2D animated ones like Hercules, Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan. Must must must save all these stuff! I'm gonna download them and preserve them like treasures!!

And what do we have on Disney now? UPIN and IPIN, Waktu REHAT, and I dunno what other idiotic shows. Gosh I don't even watch Disney anymore because of that.

What is this world coming to??? SOB SOB!

Thumbs up if you're a child of the last years of the 20th century :)

This and That is Life.

2012-01-13T21:44:00.009+08:00

Where are you now? What do you do? Whom do you talk to? How do you feel?

Saying goodbye to someone is not necessarily the hardest part, especially if It was a proper send off. Sometimes, the goodbye isn't official, but you know it gradually happens, like leaving school and parting ways to pursue our dreams later in life. That's the worst part you know, when moving on with life, and somewhere deep in your soul, knowing that that person, who before this was the center of your life, isn't even on the sidelines anymore. The bottom line is, they no longer play an essential role in life.

You promised you would never forget me. That we would still see and keep in touch with each other. But I know that those are sadly empty promises and dazzling disillusionments. You won't forget me literally. You just.. will in a way. And I don't hold you against that, because I know I will for you too. Unless both of us tried, eventually and quite simply put, life happens. You will have yours, and I mine. Because life is constantly changing, it's impossible to fall back into the same routines we were so comfortable with a long time ago.

I see one or two of your updates on Facebook via homefeed, it's no longer related to the life you had last year. I myself am different from the person you probably still think I am. Sometimes I wish you could have met the person I am today. I'm not the same girl two years ago.

But do I wish to go back to the times we were happy? When I had you to keep me company, and to look forward to being with you and talking to you? No, I don't, because I know no matter how much I gaze at the footsteps I've left in the sand behind me, I'm not going to be able to retrace them back.

I know a lot of my Reflections/Thoughts-on-Life posts are mostly about how life just moves on, and it's always changing. Well, I still take time to accept how that happens :)

"Life goes on, unmindful of beginning, crisis or catharsis, moving forward like a slow, dusty caravan of nomads."
~ from The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)

Today is better than yesterday. I have grown a little, matured a little, laughed more, smiled more, cried more and loved more.

No, if you ask me, I'm not turning back the clock.

Wong Fu 4 Lyfe!!

2012-01-09T22:15:00.003+08:00

OHMYGOSHHHHHHH!!!

I meant to blog about this like two days ago but I haven't had access to a proper PC/Laptop, only the iPad, haha.

SO EXCITEEDDDDDDD :DDDDD

I distinctly remember, as I was watching all their videos from their tours around USA, thinking to myself

'If only they came to Malaysia! It would be a dream come true to meet them, especially Wes! But neh, that will never happen, not in a long time at least.'

Then reality happened just like that, and so soon! It feels surreal that not only is it at Taylor's Lakeside, which is so nearby, but that I actually might get the opportunity to meet them and get their autographs, and maybe even take a few photos :P

I feel as giddy as a fangirl. HAHA. To think it's over three Asian American guys, compared to Simple Plan or Coldplay.

Moreover, whoever purchases the VIP ticket gets a chance at being one of the 20 chosen out of a lucky draw to join the three guys for a Sunday Brunch. Ohmygosshhhh *hyperventilates*

This is honestly the first time I have ever been so incredibly excited over something. Usually I'm demure and in control of myself. But this month? Teehee!

I'd better not get my hopes up though. Not until I hold an actual ticket in my hand. *breathes*

I feel motivated to study all of a sudden. Like the prospect of meeting Wong Fu is reward enough.

Wong Fu 4 Lyfe!

2012

2012-01-03T14:28:00.020+08:00

2012 feels epic :)

and not just coz it's SPM year.

Last night while I was lying in bed, rolling back and forth trying to fall asleep, I was thinking about a lot of things. And I couldn't help but dwell on the December 21, 2012 predictions. I'm curious to know how the whole world takes not the actual "coming" of this event, but the anticipation. After all, this isn't like waiting for a tsunami to hit or a volcano to erupt. This is apocalypse baby.

Even for those who, maybe at this present moment, seriously doubt that the end of the world will come knocking any time soon, are bound to have some shadow of doubt lurking in them the more the date edges closer and closer.

When you think about it, it's the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more. If I told you a serial killer Jack-the-Ripper style is about to enter your home and cut your throat, you wouldn't actually be scared of Jack himself, you would be scared of the things you DON'T know whether he's going to do to you. Will he rape you first and cut your throat? Or would he just proceed to steal your internal organs as his Modus Operandi so famously claims? And if you DID know what he's going to do to you, you don't actually fear the action, you fear the unknown pain.

Ooh getting carried away here. I had a dream about serial killers one night just because I read an article about him =.=

Anyways, back to 2012. There are very stoic believers out there who trust wholly in the Mayan calendar's predictions, which to give credit, has made some very uncanny accuracies. Then there are those who scoff, but only because they can't imagine such a ridiculous thing as the world ending. And then there are those that waver between 'But what if?'

If there's any good that comes from this 'Let-you-know-in-advance' prediction, is that it forces most people to really stop and think about their life. Pause to set their priorities straight and realize where they're really going, what they've got to lose, and what would they really do if, IF apocalypse does happen?

Well I've got one verse for you, dears :J

He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Acts 1:7-8

I don't know about you, but that's good enough for me! Besides, even if the end of the world comes, what have we who have already died and risen again in Christ to fear? It's practically a homecoming for Jesus :D

*smiles*

You're Not Happy Making Them Happy.

2011-12-31T16:43:00.032+08:00

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I'm feeling melodramatic today..

It's only that I realized today, subconsciously, I've always yearned for my parent's approval, ever since I was a kid. For that small bit of praise, for one positive comment, though I know at the very least, that coming from my mom would be impossible.

I was playing piano today, and it was my favourite pieces, including the Phantom of the Opera (which in my opinion is the best soundtrack for Musicals I will ever live to hear). I poured my heart and soul into it and was really engrossed and lost in it. It's these times when I play at my best, putting as much expression into it as possible, almost like being in a reverie.

And suddenly in the background my dad half-shouts at me "Why do you have to play with so much force?!"

Of course! That's how my teacher taught me, because the piece I'm playing happens to be a loud and expressive piece. I know I'm being sensitive, but after that one comment I lost all desire to continue playing. Even when I did, I lost the fervour for what was making me happy just a few minutes before. That's when I realized I based my happiness and opinion of myself on what my parents thought of me.

And I told myself today. Enough of this. I have to stop looking to be happy with myself only when other people are happy with me. To only feel better when other people allow me to feel better. I once read a quote about how the most feared word in the dictionary is the word, 'They'.

What will THEY think? What will THEY do to me? What will THEY say to me?

I think we're all like that. We all have that thought in our heads that influences our decisions in life, big and small. Sometimes it takes catching oneself in the middle of something and cross checking, only to find it's true.

I'm going to stop trying to please my parents, because whatever I do isn't going to be good enough for them. Whatever I do, there's always something to be criticized about. I've been so mentally damaged that I'm afraid to even to go to the store and pick up a pack of sugar for my mum, coz I know likely chances I'll pick the wrong one (because she didn't give specifics) and I'll just get another round of yelling. Trust me, it has happened before.

I'm a straight A student, I don't get into trouble at school, I'm not on drugs, I don't smoke, and my first time will be after marriage. I'm not the model child, but it could be so much worse.

From now on, my accomplishments, my achievements, will be built around making myself feel better, becoming a better person. I won't have my parents influence my self-esteem or my opinion of myself (unless for a valid and rational reason of course)

We're all afraid of what they think. And in the end, the people we become is not who we are, or what we are, but who they allow us to be.

Review.

2011-12-28T14:40:00.039+08:00

Well, 2011 is nearly over, and the long-awaited yearly review is due.

2011 2011... wow. Well I can safely say that I didn't waste my time, at least not more than I usually did for the past years. Especially these past two months, the two months holidays that most students end up wasting playing DOTA every day or checking their notifications every 5 minutes on Facebook or being glued to the idiot box.

For one, I'm glad I got a one month job. It was well worth it. Not so much the lack of sleep and pained feet, but it's better than staying at home. I refined my gift-wrapping skills, I learned not to take it personally when I get scolded by a customer, and I learned that just because they're older than you doesn't mean they're more mature.

One of the biggest parts of 2011 this year for me was Subang Rally. It's one thing to go for my first three years as a volunteer or a regular, but a totally different paradigm shift when I become part of the small committee that organizes the whole event.

And it was awesome.

It took high levels of commitment, restless hours and plenty of physical, mental and most of all spiritual will power. But it was all worth it. I love each and every one of my committee members, the thirteen of them. They're all different, unique and gifted in their own ways. I've never felt this degree of closeness to any of my regular CF Committee members. Perhaps it's because there are a few things different about the Rally committee.

The first would be that it's a small number of fourteen people only, compared to the CF Committee's regular of above 20 members. It's easier to form bonds between the small group of people.

Second would be although we met only once a week, it's still much more than regular CF meetings. Every meeting was fulfilling and productive.

The third is that we made efforts to spend time together even through that time and after it. One time after one of our activities we would go to Pyramid to walk around there, or like when MC came with me to Empire to do Registration work.

Maybe the fourth would be all of us are 16 years old, except one 17 and one 15 and even those two are not left out in any way. We bonded much easier.

Before joining the Rally committee I was still a very secluded person. I preferred to do things alone and to be left to my own devices. But after meeting them, I can verily say I CHANGEd. I became more sporty, less serious and stick-in-the-mud. I learned to enjoy myself just being with my friends, without having to have a certain task or goal to complete. I met people who I never really considered I would meet - the type who love unconditionally, care selflessly and look out for each other, especially our Chairman and Vice chairman, two of the best people God could have chosen to lead us. They didn't just do their jobs as their post required, they did so much more. They earned respect from us not because of their position or post. They earned it because they cared.

Even now we're planning our next meeting, and I can't wait to see the next batch of teenagers God is going to appoint to lead us into Subang Rally 2012. I have a feeling this is gonna be great. Subang Rally and the whole experience - is the one thing this year I will never regret.

Then came the phase after Rally... which makes it look like this year was an ocean wave. Rally was the part where the wave went up. This other half was when it fell down. Time took it's toll, and while it's true that I've managed to put it aside and the larger portion of the pain has gone, that doesn't mean that the scar isn't still there. It's permanent changes like this make you realize how unfair life can be at times. Nevertheless, I would be naive to think life is fair. It never is. We either make or break it with what life gives us.

It's true that until now, my mind is still not at complete rest. Who knows when it will be. And I was told this verse from a friend...

Isaiah 51:11
The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

It gives me a sliver of hope that maybe... just maybe God hasn't given up on me yet. Even though I have so many times recently. Will I return, and finally put an end to this shadow that dogs my steps? Will I rise above and break the surface of the water, breathing fresh air again? Who knows... *melodramatic air*

Another big change for me this year was also of course, blooming into a more self-conscious girl, where I've started caring more about my appearance. I'm not vain you know. Just self-conscious and insecure. I want to look good so I can feel good, and it's done wonders for my self-esteem. Which explains my sudden growth spurt into interests in shopping, clothes and makeup. Hey, I'm not a girl, not yet a woman ;)

In terms of my studies, I'm honestly proud of myself for this year. I really studied-studied this year and put in much more effort than I ever did last year to the point that now I'm considered a 'threat' to the circle of smarties in my form, which is unexpectedly... amusing xP I figure I'm going to need twice that effort for Form 5 now. Many people predict that PMR results are nothing compared to how we really fare once we take on our Form 4 syllabus, and that's when we see who survives, who doesn't. It's the stark reality that you really will fail if you don't study. There is a large discrepancy between Form 3 and 4. I guess those stories of 'It's a fight to the death' have scared me enough into studying my butt off this year, especially for Sejarah. Now people seem to have this weird perception I actually like Sejarah.

Pfft, watch me burn the textbook after I'm done with it.

I'm optimistic on Year 2012. I can just feel it in my bones that it's gonna be a great year. My last year in Subang Utama, my form 5 batch made up of the most wonderful friends I could ask for. The activities, the events, the studying (teehee!) and most of all, the memories. Haha I love being top dog in the high school food chain. At lasttt~

Let's make 2012 a bang. Screw the end of the world ;)

Walk the Curve.

2011-12-28T00:12:00.024+08:00

Went shopping six hours straight @ Curve today! Felt AWESOMEEE!! And the closest thing to exercise I'll ever get!!

I initially went there to look for my elusive white dress and bought a pretty nice one at Marry Merry, which is coincidentally a Bridal Shop, but sells formal dresses too. After burning a hole in my pocket for it, went with my sis to a few big stores to try on all the pretty stuff and then not buy it xD ooh feel so evil every time I say "Sorry, I don't think I want this" to the promoter when the truth is, I do but my wallet doesn't.

Please don't mind all the overly blurry pictures!! Camera phone, whadya expect?

COTTON-ON

I really love some of the clothes at Cotton-On. Because it's cotton (duh) the skirts are really comfortable and the prices reasonable enough.

DEBENHAMS

I thought this tropical dress was sooo cute!

I've always wanted a stylish trench coat of my own :)

NICHII

Funny. I tried this on only after I bought the white dress in Marry Merry.

Plaid is the new style. I loved this casual plaid-dress.

Just a random dress I picked up off the shelf lols.

There were actually a lot more shops I wanted to visit but I had to go home by then. I definitely want to try out Elements next time I visit Curve. It was like love at first sight. I hadn't been to Curve in six years and Elements is one of the first stores I set foot in and WOW. Love love love it. AND the sizes are all my size!! Like it was made for me~

I also visited a store called Enai, dresses with price ranges between RM89-RM399, which is standard I guess. The dresses there are quite nice, they have long, short ones and also boleros. Definitely a consider. But I didn't like how the promoter dogged my every foot step. She just as good as scared me out of the store.

I checked out August 8 (store, not a date) and realized even though it specializes in dresses, the dresses are not really that nice. Kinda tacky :x

Marry Merry has a lot of dresses, but few that I would go for. Nevertheless, it's a large store so it's definitely worth looking through.

I like shopping at Curve. It doesn't have everything, but it's enough. It's not crowded and there's a lot of space to walk. There's some really nice clothing stores there and a really awesome arts-and-crafts store too. And of course, Ikano is on the opposite if I feel like visiting Brands Outlet too (or buy furniture at Ikea y'know~). Moreover... I didn't get lost one bit there! I thought I would, but either I was more observant than usual or the wide space gave me a better view of everything around me.

A good shopping day! Though I wish I had more money to spend today, not because I'm greedy, but because this is the end year mega sale. After this it looks like I won't be shopping for a long time. Next time there's a mega sale, I'm just gonna shop for things I fall in love with at first sight.

I've decided on something.

My prom dress next year

has.

to.

be.

RED.

I won't accept any other colour x)

*Oh the frivolities of teenhood*

Lost.

2011-12-26T21:35:00.008+08:00

*breathes*

I. Have. A. Terrible. Sense. Of. Direction.

Even for a female my sense of direction is unnaturally bad. I can get you lost in my own neighbourhood! I'm the type who stares at a map and has to turn it around and around according to the turns the car makes.

And now I'm just thinking about how I'm going to survive once I start driving. I'll probably get myself lost somewhere in the middle of Damansara before I realize it. Remind me to keep my dad's old-fashioned directory book in my car just in case the GPS dies on me.

I've gone to Pyramid so often this year and yet I still can get miraculously lost there. Tomorrow I'm going to the Curve, and I've not been there in like... at least six years. And I have this uncanny ability to get lost, even with the directory map right below my nose.

Which is why... I'm taking precautions! I logged onto the Curve site to write down the names of all the shops I want to visit and what floor they're on (colour-coded my writing pad even) And tomorrow, I shall put my studying skills into motion and observe, link, and memorize all the things around me so I remember where is where. It's easier for a female to recognize the landmarks and objects around her than to memorize directions. True story.

Well, wish me luck for tomorrow. I'm shopping for the whole day and nothing shall stop me ^^ I love weddings. They give me a reason to shop :3